The film opens with Mai Shiranui (Maggie Q) in the shower. She gets out and has a flashback where she fights Mr. Big in a freezer and wins.

She goes to an event hosted by Chizuru, where she meets up with her close friend Iori Yagami. After some boring talking about the three legendary relics, the Yata Mirror, Kusanagi sword, and the Yasakani necklace, a very young-lookning Rugal (played by Ray Park doing his best Batman impression and randomly falling into a British accent) shows up to threaten Chizuru, cut her with the legendary Kusanagi sword, and fire a submachinegun into the audience. He runs off with the sword to an office where he finds another relic, the Yata mirror. Rugal cuts himself with the sword, grabs the mirror, and teleports away with it. He did not bring the sword as we find out it is a fake.

To learn more about the relics, Mai finds Saisyu Kusanagi in an asylum, but he’s silent. On the way out she meets his son Kyo. She then meets up with Iori again and all three go visit Saisyu. At the mention of the name Yagami, Saisyu wakes up and attacks Iori.

Cut to Chizuru in a hospital bed. Rugal has somehow taken control of the KoF tournament from inside another dimension (uh?) and is challenging everyone!

Quickly cut to some pretty women doing yoga. It’s Vice and Mature, and we get a short sensual scene between them in the locker room. As they wear their bluetooth earpieces they teleport to an arena with Rugal, dressed like Fred Durst. He beats them easily and «bonds» with Mature. Vice calls up several fighters and tells them to accept Rugal’s challenge. Then she gets raped or something, I dunno.

So Saisyu died off-camera and Mai, who we find out from some CIA douche is an undercover agent sent to infiltrate the tournament, goes with Kyo to learn more about the Kusanagis. They go to his home and somehow she almost breaks his arm so she can heal him and set up a Iori/Kyo/Mai love triangle. No mention of Andy Bogard. Kyo tells a story he heard about the Orichi power. Also he says Rugal made his dad insane.

CIA douche shows up and tells our three heroes Rugal is killing tournament fighters. During this scene she calls the CIA douche «Terry». Oh what the hell, Terry Bogard works for the CIA? She also talks about the other dimension, which she explains is where the fights usually take place. So Iori steals her earpiece and teleports away, showing up in a room with mannequins and Rugal wearing … uh, some really gaudy clothes including plaid pants, a pink scarf, and a bowler hat. He sics Vice and Mature on Iori, who almost gets defeated until he unleashes his Orochi power, which starts floating around the room as a big ball of snakes. Then he beats up the girls but teleports back before he kills them, leaving the Orochi power behind.

Later, Iori nags Kyo about not knowing about his family history and his destiny to fight Orochi, and gives him the teleport thingy. Kyo winds up before Rugal and they have a short fight that Kyo loses in two seconds. Rugal just laughs at his uselessness and sends him back. This makes Kyo even more whiny, and we get another scene with Mai whining that they need his help and his sword to defeat Rugal. Turns out Kyo had the sword they were looking for all this time, he just didn’t feel like bringing it out.

So Terry Bogard has now gone around and confiscated all the teleport devices from the different fighters so Rugal won’t kill them (and making sure we don’t need to see any more KoF characters in this movie). This doesn’t mean Rugal can’t teleport out, grab someone, and then teleport away, which he does with Mai right after the plot point has been brought up. It’s probably worth mentioning that whenever someone goes to the other dimension, they are dressed as they do in the game. Except for Mai, who wears a blue lingerie thing. Kyo and Chizuru teleports in as well, and so does Terry, finally wearing his red outfit and looking like he should! Kyo pulls out the sword but is sent to a sub-dimension and has to fight Rugal (dressed like Geese Howard) alone. Well at least until Iori shows up and there’s lots of silly fire special effects.

Meanwhile, Mai and Terry are in their own little sub-dimension and fight Vice and Mature and a lot of bums in back alleys while looking for a door to teleport to the rest of the gang. As they show up Rugal tells about the time when he fought the clans for the Orochi throne. The Orochi (the previously mentioned floating ball of snakes) was summoned and Iori took it into him, flying into a rage and destroying Saisyu’s mind. When the flashback is over Iori is still in the rage from inside the flashback and attacks Kyo. When he goes for Mai, Kyo sees no other way than to slice Iori with the Kusanagi blade, which cures him. Rugal gets pissed and sends everyone to a back alley, then tries to set fire to our heroes with his fire powers that we all remember from the game. Mai defends our heroes by making an electric barrier, as we remember from the game. Chizuru also shows up and annoys Rugal by teleporting around. There’s a big brawl with everyone plus the bums. Somehow Chizuru dies and transfers the mirror’s powers to Mai. With the combined powers of the mirror, sword, and necklace that was mentioned once earlier but Iori has been carrying around, they almost defeat Rugal. But almost isn’t good enough, and Rugal knocks everyone down and destroys the sword. But Kyo gets a flashback and gains the Power of Love (Guts +2/Hearts +3/Smarts +1/Will +1), which lets him regenerate the Kusanagi sword and throw it at Rugal, which breaks his spell over Vice and Mature, all the bums fall over, and Terry can pick up his Fatal Fury cap again.

Then we get the cliché ending at the docks with everyone looking out over the water, Saisyu’s ghost shows up to talk to Kyo that he should trust his new friends (uhh even that Yagami guy you attacked on sight?), roll credits.

Number of times Kyo does a fire-related attack: 0

This is a bad movie with bad acting and a terrible script. Don’t watch it.

In English for my international friends:

Tekken – In the post-apocalyptic future of 2039, the world has gone to shit, and 8 companies have divided up the world between them. These companies are known as Iron Fist. The mightiest of these are the Tekken Corporation, which operates out of Tekken City. It is a poverty-stricken city ruled by Heihatchi (played by Shang Tsung) and his son Kazuya Mishima (pronounced Mishii-ma), the streets are full of «Jacks»; police with assault rifles and kendo masks.

In this city, Jin Kazama makes money by doing runs for The Resistance, who are some long-haired guys who interrupt radio broadcasts and like to listen to «real music», Linkin Park or something similar, I can’t tell. Anyway, they’re not referenced again after a «jackhammer strike» where Kazuya (a guy who looks like an Italian mobster with a donut beard) personally shoots the resistance guys. This whole sequence is interspersed with Jin having sex with his girlfriend. In the same attack the house of Jin’s mother Jun is blown up by a missile.

Jin goes through his mother’s possessions that were not blown to bits for some reason, and finds an old invite to the Tekken tournament, which she had warned him to never get involved with. So obviously he goes to an open call for fighters, and gets into the tournament by beating Marshall Law, a muscular asian MMA fighter who reportedly «defeated Paul Phoenix in 28 seconds» (because fuck that guy, who wants to see him in a movie).

Blablabla, first round of the tournament, and Eddie Gordo loses against Raven, who is not played by Wesley Snipes. In the second round Jin beats the crap out of Miguel Rojo in a rage, and then cheats on his girlfriend (who is repeatedly shown in the slums cheering for Jin by a large outdoor screen) with MMA fighter Christie Monteiro, played by a skinny white woman. For being a whore, he is attacked by Nina and Anna Williams, dressed as ninjas.

The next day Christie fights Nina Williams, and yes, they actually had the actress wear that crazy purple outfit. Christie wins, and Jin fights Yoshimitsu, who looks pretty good! Jin is given a naginata since it’d be silly if Yoshimitsu was the only one with a weapon.

During the fight Kazuya realizes the ratings for the show increase when it looks like Yoshi will kill Jin, so he has him do so. Heihatchi, who is an honorable man, opposes this, but is taken prisoner by some Jacks. He still manages to distract Yoshimitsu by pulling the alarm, giving Jin opportunity to smash his face in with his new long studded gloves he got from his trainer, ex-Tekken fighter Steve Fox.

The remaining fighters are detained and Kazuya tells them the new rules: To advance to the next round, they have to kill their opponent. Jin decides they should escape so noone gets killed. He promptly steals an assault rifle and starts shooting guards. Jin also finds out Kazuya raped his mother, Steve is killed, the fighters are recaptured, and Kazuya has a Jack execute Heihatchi off-screen. <_<

Next round of the tournament, Bryan Fury (kickboxer B-movie star Gary Daniels) kills Sergei with a spiked chain, and Kazuya has Fury fight Jin, who is able to beat the cyborg by the power of flashbacks. Kazuya immediately attacks him with two axes, and is about to kill him when Christie creates a distraction, reprising the end of the Yoshimitsu fight. Jin then doesn’t kill Kazuya for some reason, and Christie declares Jin the winner of the Tekken tournament. Which is weird because she only got to fight once and that’s not how a tournament works.

The movie then ends with Jin going back to the slums and getting saluted by the Jacks, then a voice-over from Christie explaining Jin’s victory made his name synonymous with hope, but the Tekken story is just beginning.

Still, this was a much better movie than both Legend of Chun-Li and the animated Tekken one.

Jepp, der var en Playstation 3 anskaffet. 4700 inkludert frakt (DHL Express), fra Video Games Plus i Canada. Ingen toll, ingen moms, bestilt søndag, sendt mandag, levert på jobben onsdag.

Maskinen ser bra ut, spesielt når den står vertikalt, og jeg er glad den har slot-loading istedenfor tray, som 360 har (jeg sliter med å få discene til å ligge vertikalt, forståelig nok). Nettverksinnstillingene er veldig lette å sette opp, og Cross Media Bar-grensesnittet funker bra. Playstation Store er dessverre en ødemark, selv etter så lang tid.

Grunnen til at jeg bestilte maskinen fra Canada istedenfor å kjøpe i Norge, bortsett fra prisen altså, er at fra PS3-ens firmware-oppdatering 1.80 og utover, kan maskinen nå oppskalere DVD-er og PS1/PS2-spill helt opp til 1080p. Og de fleste DVD-ene mine er sone 1, og det samme tror jeg at BD-ene mine kommer til å bli, da det alltid er større videoutvalg i sone 1 (Blu-ray-sone A).

Så langt har jeg kun fått testet filmen Monster House, som jeg lånte hos en venn, men jeg har bestilt Silent Hill, Curse of the Golden Flower, og Letters from Iwo Jima. Monster House er nok ikke den beste bilde-showcasen for Blu-ray, da det er en dataanimert film som ikke er skutt på HD, men på film, så den er litt kornete (med vilje, men likevel). Det ukomprimerte 5.1-sporet var dog helt utrolig. Gardinene i nærheten av subwooferen flagret av trykket. 😀

Spill til PS3 er ikke så mye å snakke om for tiden. Jeg fikk med MotorStorm gratis, et racing-spill, men det er ikke egentlig noe for meg. Det ser dog helt utrolig ut. Ikke før i september begynner det å komme spill jeg har lyst på; Assassins Creed, Half-Life 2: Orange Box, Clive Barker’s Jericho, Haze, Mercenaries 2, Ratchet & Clank Future, og Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. Men i mellomtiden har jeg 12 spill jeg ikke har fullført på Wii, PS1, PS2, og DS.